"Famous ASS Quotes"

What time is it? Sigma time! WHOO!!
MASH!! HYPE!!
If it's that kind of party...
It's 10:32, hat hour!
SQUEEEET!!
I thought we decided?
Is wings on?
Mike could never beat me at Rally Cross
I couldn't help but notice..
I don't feel like going to class, skip it, OK!
Get off deez, N U Teez
I went to jail for assault with a carjack
Isn't beer wonderful?
Tommorrrow
Is it beer o'clock?
Uhh shibby, BOOOOM!!!!
Take it sleazy
I will push you in my pipe and smoke you.
The mood is about to change.
Things have changed.

"Quotes from ASS minded people"
"Beer Toasts"
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemmingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-- Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.
-- Plato

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-- W.C. Fields

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
-- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
-- Jack Handy, "Deep Thoughts"

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
-- Humphrey Bogart

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
-- Kaiser Welhelm

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
-- Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons"

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals, such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
-- Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
-- Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- Ernest Hemmingway, "For Whom the Bell Tolls"

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
-- Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons"

I've always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.
-- Rudyard Wheatley

There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.
-- John Ciardi

I will make it a felony to drink a small beer.
-- William Shakespeare

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
-- Tom Waits

I always keep a supply of beer handy in case I see a snake - which I always keep handy.
-- W.C. Fields

I drink for the thirst to come.
-- Francois Rabelais, french writer and humorist

Man being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxicating.
-- Byron, "Don Juan"

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
-- Robert Benchley

I will make it a felony to drink small beer.
-- William Shakespeare

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-- Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
-- William Butler Yeats

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-- Ambrose Bierce

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
-- W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
-- W.C. Fields

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
-- Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven.
-- Brian O'Rourkell

This beer is good for you. This is draft beer, stick with the beer. Let's go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer.
-- Ernest Hemingway, "To Have and Have Not"
Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer-and another one!

Who'd care to be a bee and sip
Sweet honey from the flower's lip
When he might be a fly and steer
Head first into a can of beer?

None so deaf as those who will not hear.
None so blind as those who will not see.
But I'll wager none so deaf nor blind that he
Sees not nor hears me say come drink this beer.

Some Guinness was spilt on the barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the night.
When out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam from the floor
Then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long, you could hear the mouse roar,
"Bring on the goddamn cat!"

Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey's too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it's better to order a beer!

Here's to Hell!
May the stay there
Be as much fun as the way there!

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here.
On the chest of a barmaid in Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille!

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

I used to know a clever toast,
But now I cannot think it,
So fill your glass to anything
And damn your souls, I'll drink it!